Now besides my title playing hell with the Google search engine optimization - (who knows maybe this will drive traffic, considering one of my all time most visited posts is still What is a Tengu/Fistful of Tengu) I wanted to throw this out here for the sake of perhaps you all letting me know what you think.I wanted to come up with a new bio for the Space Eldritch collection (October 29th by the by) and rather than write the same old, same old, I decided to do as my friend Krista suggested and write it as a writer, not a biographer.
So I came up with this and at 1 a.m. I feel like a genius, but hey, if it really doesn't work, say so. Thanks
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David J. West can’t remember a time he wasn’t writing. From the primordial heat of a drowning Atlantis to a pair of vigilantes six-guns blasting raw justice in the old west, return to when obsidian rained down on Cumorah’s slopes, and crusaders broadswords swept over shadowy terrors, and ultimately, on to the cold vacuum of space for the birth of a new star. David is there, recording it all for your savage amusement. Check out his first brutal novel Heroes of the Fallen and his other short story collections and anthologies at http://
7 comments:
That is INSPIRED! Great!
Thanks Paul, I do want to do some evocation of hallowed others and go beyond the usual premise.
"Born in blank, likes blank and blank, has blank amount of kids and wife and does blank..."
Not that there is anything wrong with that.
I honestly wasn't sure if this would work or not and that's why I wanted feedback.
I like it. A lot. It's different, displays your range as a writer, and stands out from the usual bio.
Thanks, much appreciated Keith, I'm still gonna polish it up a bit-I did write it at 1 am.
Dude, I liked the concept, but I had a hard time following the second sentence. I liked the ideas so much, I decided to give you some detailed feedback. So here goes...
I love the word primordial, but it doesn't fit with the idea of a drowning Atlantis. Primordial means the beginning of something. I also wasn't clear where the heat was coming from since Atlantis was plunged into the sea. I'm having a hard time picturing this scene. (Maybe I'm missing an inside reference here? I haven't read your short stories.)
Add a comma after Atlantis. This begins a list.
Drop the "s" at the end of vigilantes. It isn't clear if you're talking about a pair of people or a pair of guns, but I don't think it matters for your bio. The singular vigilante reads better to me. Other than that, this scene was very clear in my mind. Great job.
When you say "return to when", that's where I started to get a little confused with the sentence construction but I liked the visual of Cumorah.
I wasn't sure if the crusaders were supposed to be in the Cumorah scene or not.
You change verb tenses in the list "drowning" and "blasting" vs. "rained" and "swept". I think the second two are stronger.
I LOVE that you start the list with the death of a civilization and end the list with the birth of a new star. Very poetic.
I like your word choice. You made me see many of your scenes in just a few short words. Well done.
"savage amusement" I like this phrase. I don't know why but I do.
All in all, I think you have a great direction. This bio helped me learn a bit about you and your writing. It was interesting to read and I think that once it's cleaned up it will be easy to read as well. I can see it drawing me all the way through to the end.
I hope my opinions help in some way. I know polishing is never done.
And as always, feel free to completely disregard anything and everything I've said.
Hey, I appreciate it John. I put this out there and did get quite a bit of feedback to clear things up and make it run clear, I suppose I should have updated all that but I didn't.
Thanks again
I like that. I may give something like that a try, too. My bio's rather stale...
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