A Singular Success: Fat City
21 hours ago
David J. West writes dark fantasy and weird westerns because the voices in his head won’t quiet until someone else can hear them. He is a great fan of sword & sorcery, ghosts and lost ruins, so of course he lives in Utah with his wife and children.
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114 comments:
How are you going to save their lives? By not putting them in a sack and throwing them in the river? By giving food to the chosen one and not its siblings? By keeping it home while the others go to the pound? Anyway, here's my comment to "Save The Kitty."
I love cats. I just wish I weren't allergic. :-(
Do you ever look at the Lolcats website? That's always good for a smile or a laugh.
I'm a little allergic too.
I have a contest going with a couple other bloggers where we can only post one sentence and whoever gets the most comments at the end of the week wins a book.
So of course I have to take the cruel threatening route.
You know, I'm stone hearted and can't stand the thought of getting a pet. Except my kids would die for one and cats aren't too bad... at least they're generally more independent.
Poor kitty, so cute yet so doomed (or not as the case may be). Thanks for the kind words about The Obsidian City, it brightened up an otherwise dull October morning.
Jim
I'll do anything for such a sweet little kitty cat. Poor little Snuggles. =)
Okay, that made me laugh out loud--your methodology that is.
But what if I post a comment saying that I demand you kill a kitten for the post I make?
David, the next cat you see, smush it.
Erin
Cats aren't my favorite, but needless, random killing and mayhem? Not so sure about that--outside of fiction. :)
Okay, I'm in. I'll save the cat and help you win a book in one fell swoop. :D
Cats well they due have a very independent and indignant personality. They leave presents on the floor and with no regrets expect you to clean up after them. Personally I prefer the big cats that can devour you but I guess for the sake of the frails with whom you associate you should pardon said feline and win your free book. It is for a good cause I guess.
I don't like this train of thought at all. I like cats. They kill mice, they're friendly, they take care of themselves.
Please don't kill Snuggles!
Hope you win.
I should have put in the rules: No Kittens! Since kitten pictures rule the world and turn everyone to mush.
I think your evilly plan out-evillied my plan. I never knew evil until I met you. You ARE evil!!
And kittens. I think you will win. Throw kittens into any scenario and you instantly win.
Kittens, meuw.
oo, you're good! look at you go!
Now see, I'm not a big kitten fan, but at the same time, I would hate to see them needlessly murdered.
I think you should be offering something like...you'll give one dollar to the homeless for every comment, or say one prayer for the oppressed, or something equally comment fetching.
Or if you offered to put all our names in a random generator and draw one name, you could then show up at our house and rake all our leaves or mow our lawn or something. Bet you'd get lots of comments then...
I'm kidding. I hope you win.
Nichole
Well, I'm horribly allergic to the darn things myself, but any post that makes me guffaw deserves at least one comment.
Or two you all could leave two and that would be great-or three three would be better nothing in the rules against leaving four comments . . .
Hey! Isn't that my kitty??
Yes it is . . .
Today in my indian education class my students came to the realization that American Indians relished the loyal companion to man as making a fine meal. Even the author of "Tennis Shoes among the Nephites wrote how well puppies tasted. Lewis and Clark looked forward to the succulent dish offered by the Salish and on their return to St. Louis quickly procuring several puppies for a long anticipated meal. Now you know that I am all about PETA. "people eating tasty animals" and equality among all God's creatures I think it only proper that every red blooded meat eating American dine at least once on the delicious feline. Save the kitties for dinner.
What would happen if you put two cats in a mail box and closed it?
I know this is irresponsible but I can't seem to help myself. But David remember when you tied the tails of two cats together and threw them over a cloths line. Was that you or a Gadianton initiation ritual.
.
Please.
Allow me to break the tie.
That Chad is mean. I do not think even Gadiantons would have done that.
Phyllis
Dogs have masters..... Cats have staff
Oh my gosh, this is such a close contest. I can't stand the suspense. I have to close my eyes.
Go fight win!
Personally, I've always thought of cats as good practice for punting, but maybe that's just me.........
So many cats so little time!
okay, maybe not. But it made David laugh, and earned another comment from me. although I will admit that we used to put hair scrunchies around our cat's head to make him look like a clown. funny, everytime.....
rude...Although I do remember the scrunchies. Who rules our house........Tazzy
Killing cats is ok, you should just do it humanely... and often
Now that made me laugh out loud.
pirates eat kittens. You know that, right? In order to save kittens you're going to have hungry pirates. --Ray
Does anyone know the Meow Kitty song from way back long ago?
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow....
Somebody shoot that d@*m cat!!!
I have a video of my cat falling off my lap! You want to see? It's awesome! Cats rule!
That kitten looks like Pawkits!
Count me in!
When does your book come out?
Jim
two bits.. 4 bits...6 bits a peso...all for kittens...stand up and say so....:)
sounds good... Either way.
I like jello.
And who doesn't?
When I first came up with the Wheel of Time I thought a lot about making cats much more prominent and prolific in the series which of course they are not, but it has been a great regret of mine that in times past I never did include them, so I have come back around to thinking of it yet again with this insightful post upon the very nature of cats versus men and vice versa, now of course you all must remember that I decided to have Rand-al-Thor be the main hero, the Dragon Reborn as it were and of course you also must remember that there are many things I never did tell you about and of course you remember them as well I have often found myself floating in the ether and considering did I do enough to describe the dress's that the were in shops in Tar Valon I probably did not nor did I tell anyone enough about my thoughts on cats and Teleranriad and for that I do humbly apoligize to my utmost with sincerity and a deep humbleness at this wordsmiths poor choice of topic and category both for my meager merits and my utter lack of words, please forgive this terribly short comment as I am so busy with so much to do and so little time to do it in, you would not believe the hauntings that I am forced into to get a grain of truth edgewise with Mr. Sanderson its all because Harriet thought he was cute I believe and of course she never did have an eye for men why I remember the time that we shopping for summer hats and this cat ran across the road in front of us I nearly tripped and I said you know what Harriet I should have cats in The Wheel of Time they should control everything and perhaps even a great cat should be the true dark lord, of course TOR told me I was insane and perhaps I am but you never now when a cat is out to do you and everyone you love harm, so my best guess my friends is to be ever watchful and once again I apoligize for the brevity of this comment I had not time to prepare a suitable post on such an absurd and yet poignant topic I must bids you a solemn farewell.
OK . . . thanks for the comment, I think.
I've just spoken with Snuggles and said Company. They are really quite tense over the whole situation, and would appreciate more support. I've given them false hope. After all, the Egyptians didn't get EVERYTHING right. Right?
You mean cat worship right? No, the Egyptians were off on a couple things like a solar boat-duh its a chariot!
Dave's my neighbor saves my cats while I'm away...SAVE THOSE KITTIES.
Who's the Man!?!
David
I ahve been trying to comment and I think I got it figured out.
I hope you win.
Irene
I love kitties. No killing kitties allowed. (Hope you win.)
This is a horrible scheme, ifyou do manage to save the kitties Obama will take the credit. If you dont save any kittens and many die he will say "I inhereted these cats" bad deal either way
The gods of yesterday become the devils of tomorrow.
--Robert E. Howard, "Black Colossus"--
you know what's funny? Everyone is SOOOOO upset at the thought of Snuggles getting the axe, but what if he had chosen a muskrat? would you fight for the muskrat? would you care about the muskrat and his family? muskrats have feelings too. WHAT ABOUT THE MUSKRAT?
or even the muskox? they have feelings too, you know. you people are sick and should be ashamed of yourselves!!
Exactly, no cares about the ugly animals.
I remember when I wrote the Wheel of Time and how much cats tried to stop me by suffocating me when I slept, it was quite a nuisance as I recall, Im sure you can imagine especially as I retell the tale in graphic description of how cats attempted to sleep on my face and steal my very breath as it steamed from my dreaming lips, Harriet would often say well dont let the cats in the house but I was not letting them in the house they were breaking in through the basement windows or possibly through the furnace or gaslines and sometimes they were not cats at all but burglars dressed as cats but I of course in my wisdom could recognize them and their coniving ways as I always do, and so I put some of these expiereinces into the Wheel of Time namely in the middle of Crossroads of Twilight which not a soul could possibly remember could they of course not I wrote it and I dont remember it, I am going on again arent I, so as I was saying cats are the true inspiration for Trollocks and when it come sto how they dress I have to wonder why no one has ever fully examined their connection to cats which I have always thought was plainly obvious, you can see cant you yes of course you can any rational person can see that Trollocks are just big cats, again sorry for being so brief, cats!
How do we know that you wont kill the cat anyway after this "contest".
You know, David, I haven't written much because I'm a stone cold non animal lover. How's that for cruelty???
Cats and humans are the only creatures that go to great lengths to hide the fact that their feces stinks. Or at least we humans go to great lengths to keep the kitty popoo from smelling. My family for instance has a litter box that automatically scrapes the popoo so that tangie and dotty don't have to go outside to do their dooty and we don't have to smell it. If their were no cats I wouldnt have to throw away cat $h!t. At least dogs will wine at the door to be let out. I hope you win the book yet I hope you will do the right thing and rid our selves of the stinky ones.
You win, I'll help save the cat as long as it doesn't have to be at my house because my dog would eat it alive.
Lest the little kitten,
Shall lose his little mittens...
Or David lose his comment bet...
Here be mine.
Save the kitten!
When will the t-shirts and bumper stickers be available?
I'm writing to command that you kill a cat for the sake of humanity. Being a firm believer in evolution, I've come to the conclusion that politicians evolve from cats. As you know, cats are the kind of animal that use people to get what they want. Politicians are the same way. They'll give everyone free healthcare, and then everyone will be screwed over by the long waiting lines, whilst the politicians get all the power. So, won't you save humanity, and kill a kitten today? Cute and cuddly today, evil in a suit tomorrow!
Clever way to get people to comment on your blog. I'm tempted to say "hat's off" to your creativity, but then that would be cliche, and as a writer I must avoid such stuff. So I'll just say, "your blog is cool." It's cool being a member of A.I. as well, you get to associate with creative people like you.
I'll comment for a chance at a copy of Heroes of the Fallen.
How are you saving the kittens? Adopting them?
AI rocks!
I'm commenting again just because I love the photo of that kitten ... and I want you to win!
And besides, I love kittens.
Tee hee. What a bunch of nuts comment here. Oh wait, does that mean I'm one too?
Ah man!
And to Robert Jordan's Ghost--I swear I've seen you before. Do you haunt writing conferences in Utah often?
I dressed up as a cat for Halloween when I was in 7th grade. Not just your average cat, either, but my make up job was Broadway worthy. You win a lot of contests when your mom is a makeup artist. =)
Hey, if you save all those cats, can we call you Catman?
So, my husband claims there used to be a "cat lady" in Pleasant Grove as he grew up. She had something like 150 cats living in her house.
They shared cereal bowls with her kids. (ICK!!!!) I changed my mind. Please don't become Catman.
Win! win! go! go! blow! blow! the competition away hey!
Rob
I like pie
I like pie a lot
No I mean it I really like pie
As long as its made from kittens
I hope you aren't joking about cats but then you really aren't joking and do something to the cats.
Phyllis
such an innocent face...how could u wanna hurt the baby kitty?
I would
Al Gore
80 comments is not enough? :)
How about 81?
Jim
My bad that was 82 so this is 83.
Jim
Lets make one thing clear no one enjoys killing cats, but if you gotta do it you may as well enjoy it.
John
Would you settle for locking them in a small room?
i'll tell you how you could hurt such an innocent face. close your eyes and swing the bat! takes the pain right out of it for you.
whomever is posting as Al Gore, if we take your advice, we may find out later that your a liar that has like 400 kittens in your house just like your extravagent utility bills mister "INCONVENIENT TRUTH!" go suck on a hair ball!
okay, i feel nothing but love now. does anybody else NOT feel bad for the big wigs on Wall Street getting paycuts? Oh, so sorry! now you can't buy a 4 million dollar home and pay your staff minimum wage to clean up after you. WAAAAAAAAAH!
Like Boxes of crud in your house? Get a cat.
Al Gore
I put some of these expiereinces into the Wheel of Time namely in the middle of Crossroads of Twilight which not a soul could possibly remember could they of course not I wrote it and I dont remember it, I am going on again arent I, so as I was saying cats are the true inspiration for Trollocks and when it come sto how they dress I have to wonder why no one has ever fully examined their connection to cats which I have always thought was plainly obvious Now you know that I am all about PETA. "people eating tasty animals" and equality among all God's creatures I think it only proper that every red blooded meat eating American dine at least once on the delicious feline. Save the kitties for dinner,I remember the time that we shopping for summer hats and this cat ran across the road in front of us I nearly tripped and I said you know what Harriet I should have cats in The Wheel of Time they should control everything and perhaps even a great cat should be the true dark lord, of course TOR told me I was insane and perhaps I am but you never now when a cat is out to do you and everyone you love harm, so my best guess my friends is to be ever watchful and once again I apoligize for the brevity of this comment I had not time to prepare a suitable post on such an absurd and yet poignant topic I must bids you a solemn farewell.
I put some of these expiereinces into the Wheel of Time namely in the middle of Crossroads of Twilight which not a soul could possibly remember could they of course not I wrote it and I dont remember it, I am going on again arent I, so as I was saying cats are the true inspiration for Trollocks and when it come sto how they dress I have to wonder why no one has ever fully examined their connection to cats which I have always thought was plainly obvious Now you know that I am all about PETA. "people eating tasty animals" and equality among all God's creatures I think it only proper that every red blooded meat eating American dine at least once on the delicious feline. Save the kitties for dinner,I remember the time that we shopping for summer hats and this cat ran across the road in front of us I nearly tripped and I said you know what Harriet I should have cats in The Wheel of Time they should control everything and perhaps even a great cat should be the true dark lord, of course TOR told me I was insane and perhaps I am but you never now when a cat is out to do you and everyone you love harm, so my best guess my friends is to be ever watchful and once again I apoligize for the brevity of this comment I had not time to prepare a suitable post on such an absurd and yet poignant topic I must bids you a solemn farewell.
Is it just me or did someone forget about Snuggles? And what about the muskox?! They STINK! Oh by the way, speaking of ugly animals, will there be a post about vultures?
I heart kittens with extra toes...
Cats are people too
Al Gore
Comments made about me earlier which much to my discredit and I must address them.
I do not eat hairballs.
Al Gore
Hairball hairball hairball
I remember when I wrote the Wheel of Time and how much cats tried to stop me by suffocating me when I slept, it was quite a nuisance as I recall, Im sure you can imagine especially as I retell the tale in graphic description of how cats attempted to sleep on my face and steal my very breath as it steamed from my dreaming lips, Harriet would often say well dont let the cats in the house but I was not letting them in the houseBeing a firm believer in evolution, I've come to the conclusion that politicians evolve from cats. As you know, cats are the kind of animal that use people to get what they want. Politicians are the same way. They'll give everyone free healthcare, and then everyone will be screwed over by the long waiting lines, whilst the politicians get all the power. So, won't you save humanity, and kill a kitten, okay, maybe not. But it made David laugh, and earned another comment from me.
I was thinking about the distortion of information over distance, whether distance in space or in time, and how that applied to both history and legends. The further you are from an event, the less likely you are to know what really happened. I was thinking about what the world would be like if there had never been any need for a struggle for women's rights, or if that struggle had taken place so long ago that it just wasn't relevant any longer. No one thinks it's odd to see women as high ranking politicians, or working on the docks. No one ever thinks that something is or isn't a suitable job for a woman. There were fifty or more lines of thought, and suddenly I saw, in rough form, what turned out to be the final scene of the last book of the Wheel. When I realized that that was what it was, a conclusion, all I had to do was figure out where to start from and how to get from A to Z. The storylines are all in my head, except that when I begin a book I do sit down at the computer and ramble about a bit to figure out exactly how I intend to fit various things together. For the characters - and the cultures, nations, organizations and a great deal else - I have files on my computer. For example, there are two files on Aes Sedai. One has things like the history of the White Tower, its laws and rules, the customs and group attitudes of Aes Sedai as a whole and among the different Ajahs, details of organization for the various Ajahs, how the Hall of the Tower works and how Sitters are chosen in the different Ajahs, how women come to enter the Tower, how they are trained.... In fact, just about everything I can think of that might be useful to know about the White Tower.
I thought this was upposed to be about cats.
Jim
ahahaha good one
Aly Kay
Just found you from Twitter and I am horrified by you and the people that comment on your blog-all of you should be ashamed of yourselves.
I can't let this go. You people are sick. A cat can't speak so I must speak for them and tell it like it is, animals are better than people, they are kind and good and loving and would never joke and laugh about misery or drowning kittens in a river-ITS SICK AND WRONG!
Peta Pete, you surrender monkey! You sound like another whining liberal. I think David should peal the face off snuggles. I know he is capable! You should see what he can do to monkey people that attack and he has his claws out. All it takes is a sharp knife, a little nerve and presto the faceless one will appear. You liberal types have alot of nerve anyway.
wow David you are really attracting some whack jobs! Cyberspace is a scary place to hang out. Is Peta Pete for real. He is probably some vegan whack job that has lost touch with reality. Careful my "friend" your
righteous endeavor has attracted the attention of the dark one himself!!
"All the Greeks knew what was the right thing to do, but the Spartans were the only ones that did it, ....and David"
Satay strong and win your bet and book!!
Thanks everybody-Except Peta Pete-get a life.
I dont get it, couldnt you just have someone spend all day posting something simple like "yo". One right after another? It seems like whoever wins this thing is simply the one who can get someone with enough free time to do that. Me , I gotta get my flame throwers out and grab a stick of juicy fruit.
You should be glad for Peta Pete, he gave you 2 more comments! I wondered if it was made up or real, until I forced myself to read your last few comments...and so I assume you did attract the attention of a real live Peta person? That gave a little drama to the discussion. Anyway, congratulations for winning. You have a lot of friends, followers or maybe just people with too much time on their hands? fyi, I read all the comments...talk about too much time on my hands!
I have a lot of good and sick friends-could have come from anywhere. I think next time the time limit should be shorter. I honestly though that first day that Tamara would win.
I am happy to report, after a long stress filled week, that Snuggles and Co. have made it through unscathed. they do require mass doses of anti-anxiety medications, but relatively unscathed. A little eye twitch here and there, some occasional outbursts, but all in all, unscathed. oh, and PETA Pete? IT WAS A FRIGGIN JOKE MAN! relax!
oh! and thanks to Karen for the contest! It was fun and I didn't realize just how sick and twisted David and I could get with motivation! I am a little worried about how the kids will turn out now though..........
I only worry that YOUR senses of humor will only pale in comparison to theirs as they grow...
Save one more!
Thanks Pericles I'll take it up with the wife.
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