I've got a short weird western tale in the newly released A Mighty Fortress anthology.
It is a Porter Rockwell short titled, The Tears of Nephi.
Its a little light on steampunk, but I put in a little - the collection as a whole has the unexpected grouping of being Mormon Steampunk tales, and was initially inspired by the incredibly awesome Dave Butler. He wrote City of the Saints which I highly recommend, and then later down the road put forth the idea for a collection of more tales set in a semi-similar vein and there were so many submissions that was to be one antho became two and then as of today 4!!!
I have the honor of having the closing tale of this collection.
Thanks as always to my editor and friend Holli Anderson.
Check it out if you have a mind too.
Showing posts with label Mormon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mormon. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 18, 2020
Thursday, June 1, 2017
States of Deseret
I wanted to do something different than the usual - so no Porter Rockwell tale this time. (though one is hinted at) I let my mind wander when the call for submissions asked for different ways of telling alternate history. I was struck with the idea of an obituary as a framing device and luckily - William and Theric liked it enough to include The Electric Apostle.
I've always been fascinated with Nikola Tesla, so this was a good place to mess around with a What IF. I even found out a bit more interesting history while I was in the middle of double checking my research.
I'm sharing the table of contents with some great writers including my good friend Dave Butler, here is the TOC.
Forwrd by Theric Jepson
The Guns of Perdition by D. J. Butler
Latter Day Confederacy of Nations by Lori Taylor
Richard Meets the Missionaries by Anneke Garcia
Not Even the Names Have Been Changed by Marion Jensen
Another Meadow by Eric A. Eliason
The Father by Inari Porkka
The Electric Apostle by yours truly
Subject to Kings by Lee Allred
Cover by Casey Jex Smith
If you get a hankering for some weird fiction by a peculiar people - Check it out!
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Scavengers is ALIVE!!!
This is the beginning of what I'm calling the Dark Trails Saga - a trilogy at least of Porter Rockwell western adventures. These won't have quite the same weird west flavor of Cold Slither - no monsters, but will still be a lot of pulpy fun.
here is the description I'm pretty proud of:
An untouchable gunslinger. A lost hoard of gold. A host of brutal adversaries. What could possibly go wrong?
Deputy Marshall Porter Rockwell can't be harmed by a bullet or a blade. As long as he never cuts his hair, Rockwell is free to right wrongs and chase criminals without worrying about the consequences. But when he learns about a map to a mysterious cache of gold, he's embroiled in a battle for the treasure with enemies lining up on every side.
As outlaws, villains, and a surprisingly formidable Ute chieftain stand between the Deputy Marshall and the gold, bullet and blade might not be what finally take Rockwell down. It could be plain old bad luck...
Scavengers is a Western with colorful characters and wit straight out of a Tarantino flick. If you like mixing horror with your pulp, strong and admirable heroes, and weird Westerns, then you'll love the first book in David J. West's Porter Rockwell series.
Buy Scavengers to join the hunt for gold today!
Monday, August 15, 2016
Preparing to Pimp Thyself
Happenings!
My weird west collection COLD SLITHER print copy is up over on Amazon - though I'm not doing the real launch push just yet - I've got the kindle set for pre-order and I'm hoping to push that on August 30th for the sake of rankings etc. In fact I don't think as of this post the kindle slot is even up yet.

I'm excited that the book is finally done- considering I had wanted to release it on my birthday two months ago. But I think its an amazing book that a lot of people will get a kick out of. I was tickled pink that one of my friends said he thought the first Porter tale = Cold Slither itself reminded him of a Conan type yarn.
I made a banner for use at the upcoming Salt Lake Comic Con - it was fun trying to come up with something that I hope will grab attention at our booth and hopefully entice some book buyers. I used the Horror Flick font - same thing I used on my new business cards - gotta love that retro pulpy look.
I do know I'm on at least one panel each day at SLCC
The Rocketeer on Thursday
Mental Health in Popular Culture/Entertainment on Friday
and a Choose Your Own Apocalypse game with the Space Balrogs on Saturday.
I've got a lot more book reviews lined up shortly that I'll be trying to post up on before summer is over.
Oh and I finally put together a mailing list newsletter because I've been hearing how necessary that is for self-promotion etc - so there's that BURNT OFFERINGS - https://tinyletter.com/DavidJWest
Now back to work on just novels for the foreseeable future this year.
My weird west collection COLD SLITHER print copy is up over on Amazon - though I'm not doing the real launch push just yet - I've got the kindle set for pre-order and I'm hoping to push that on August 30th for the sake of rankings etc. In fact I don't think as of this post the kindle slot is even up yet.
I'm excited that the book is finally done- considering I had wanted to release it on my birthday two months ago. But I think its an amazing book that a lot of people will get a kick out of. I was tickled pink that one of my friends said he thought the first Porter tale = Cold Slither itself reminded him of a Conan type yarn.
I made a banner for use at the upcoming Salt Lake Comic Con - it was fun trying to come up with something that I hope will grab attention at our booth and hopefully entice some book buyers. I used the Horror Flick font - same thing I used on my new business cards - gotta love that retro pulpy look.
I do know I'm on at least one panel each day at SLCC
The Rocketeer on Thursday
Mental Health in Popular Culture/Entertainment on Friday
and a Choose Your Own Apocalypse game with the Space Balrogs on Saturday.
Oh and I finally put together a mailing list newsletter because I've been hearing how necessary that is for self-promotion etc - so there's that BURNT OFFERINGS - https://tinyletter.com/DavidJWest
Now back to work on just novels for the foreseeable future this year.
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Wednesday, August 10, 2016
The Coming of LONE CROW
The Coming of Lone Crow, by Joel Jenkins
I am so glad that my friend Paul McNamee, gave me a heads up on this one. I was intrigued by the cover sporting a few well-known (and not so well known) western historical persons - among them my own weird western incarnation of Porter Rockwell.
I gave the kindle sample and look-see and was hooked. I bought it and have thoroughly enjoyed the 14 odd stories enough that I will have to buy a print copy for my collection - I'm going to reread it and I know I'll want it in paper.
So about the stories - Lone Crow himself is the last surviving member of his tribe who had been taken in and raised by Mormon foster parents giving him a Christianized white mans world view which is also mixed with his mystic Native American side. He is a taciturn type who is well aware of the racist backlash of the times he lives in and yet he has become infamous enough for his supernatural exploits that he gets hired on by the prestigious Miskatonic University for a number of projects.
One of the items that helps him survive these mind bending encounters is his blessed-by-a-prophet eagle butted peacemaker. Being imbued with a sacred blessing allows the gun to actually harm strange creatures that otherwise might be immune to earthly weapons - creatures like the Hounds of Tindalos or the recurring Ulutoth a Lovecraftian old one akin to Cthulhu.
I loved the action and esoteric historic cameo's and all I could think while reading this is WOW! Joel Jenkins is my kind of writer! Several of the stories loosely relate to each other and we are teased with quite a number of references to interesting sounding tales that we never do get a glimpse of - it make for a world we know is much bigger while still retaining a pulp infused rip roaring good time!
I've since chatted with Joel and was told another collection of Lone Crow's stories are coming and I anxiously await that!
I recommend getting a copy here!
I am so glad that my friend Paul McNamee, gave me a heads up on this one. I was intrigued by the cover sporting a few well-known (and not so well known) western historical persons - among them my own weird western incarnation of Porter Rockwell.
I gave the kindle sample and look-see and was hooked. I bought it and have thoroughly enjoyed the 14 odd stories enough that I will have to buy a print copy for my collection - I'm going to reread it and I know I'll want it in paper.
So about the stories - Lone Crow himself is the last surviving member of his tribe who had been taken in and raised by Mormon foster parents giving him a Christianized white mans world view which is also mixed with his mystic Native American side. He is a taciturn type who is well aware of the racist backlash of the times he lives in and yet he has become infamous enough for his supernatural exploits that he gets hired on by the prestigious Miskatonic University for a number of projects.
One of the items that helps him survive these mind bending encounters is his blessed-by-a-prophet eagle butted peacemaker. Being imbued with a sacred blessing allows the gun to actually harm strange creatures that otherwise might be immune to earthly weapons - creatures like the Hounds of Tindalos or the recurring Ulutoth a Lovecraftian old one akin to Cthulhu.
I loved the action and esoteric historic cameo's and all I could think while reading this is WOW! Joel Jenkins is my kind of writer! Several of the stories loosely relate to each other and we are teased with quite a number of references to interesting sounding tales that we never do get a glimpse of - it make for a world we know is much bigger while still retaining a pulp infused rip roaring good time!
I've since chatted with Joel and was told another collection of Lone Crow's stories are coming and I anxiously await that!
I recommend getting a copy here!
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Coming Soon: Porter's Weird West Collection
Things always take longer than you'd like.
I sincerely wish and strive and hope to get things to a point wherein I can accomplish all I'd like to in a day but that is still a ways out.
In the mean time I'm still plugging away and trying to keep up the good fight and get my creative demands met.
Cold Slither which I had hoped to release late last month couldn't make it for July either - but I'm in the home stretch and it will be out sooner than later in a couple weeks - I think I will experiment and have it available for pre-order too and see how that fares.
Part of what happened was the collection of Porter Rockwell tales were mostly already written - I was only going to do one new novella Cold Slither itself - but then a few more inspiration points took hold and I came up with one more new piece - so the book closes with a new ghostly, vampiric, M.R. James inspired tale - Striding Thru Darkness. The cover much more resembles that story than Cold Slither too.
I'm doing edits now and have already formatted what I think will be a very handsome stylish book. With great native monsters like the one beside us here: I always think the print copies trump the ebooks even if that is what people usually buy - I hope I can keep some of those formatting treasures intact for the ebook but am not sure just yet.
In any case here is the cover and backside - much thanks to Nathan Shumate for his support and help in the endeavour. And to Jason King among others for some editing and suggestions. And of course to anyone else who looked the previously published tales over too - Theric Jepson, William Morris, Jaleta Clegg, John Palisano, etc.

Here is the TOC:
Oh and Keith - I hope you know your Amazing Stories quote means the world to me - hence it being on the actual back cover - I purposefully left your name off though just because of the Amazon thinking we're related nonsense - I sincerely hope there is no offense at that. Let me know.
I sincerely wish and strive and hope to get things to a point wherein I can accomplish all I'd like to in a day but that is still a ways out.
In the mean time I'm still plugging away and trying to keep up the good fight and get my creative demands met.
Cold Slither which I had hoped to release late last month couldn't make it for July either - but I'm in the home stretch and it will be out sooner than later in a couple weeks - I think I will experiment and have it available for pre-order too and see how that fares.

I'm doing edits now and have already formatted what I think will be a very handsome stylish book. With great native monsters like the one beside us here: I always think the print copies trump the ebooks even if that is what people usually buy - I hope I can keep some of those formatting treasures intact for the ebook but am not sure just yet.
In any case here is the cover and backside - much thanks to Nathan Shumate for his support and help in the endeavour. And to Jason King among others for some editing and suggestions. And of course to anyone else who looked the previously published tales over too - Theric Jepson, William Morris, Jaleta Clegg, John Palisano, etc.

Here is the TOC:
Contents
Oh and Keith - I hope you know your Amazing Stories quote means the world to me - hence it being on the actual back cover - I purposefully left your name off though just because of the Amazon thinking we're related nonsense - I sincerely hope there is no offense at that. Let me know.
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Tuesday, October 13, 2015
The Crypt Opens and Whispers Out Of The Dust is live
Founded in 1865, it had a number of bizarre happenings until it was finally covered over by Lake Mead. It was once a pious Mormon settlement, the a wild west outlaw Mecca, then a sleepy little town that was doomed by the name of progress and need for water for Las Vegas.
That much is all absolutely true.
I have even taken a trip through the ruins of the Moapa valley and seen some the sights...
Perhaps some of the rest gets a little foggy on reality, or does it?
I had a lot of fun playing around with this one, I really got into ghost stories over the summer and the idea of finding lost terrible documentation fascinates me - so I found some to tell you about. ;)
Couched as if it is non-fiction I even went so far as to have a smattering of footnotes detailing real history along with the fiction. It was great fun and I hope makes for some creepy October readings.
Thank and check it out!

A Haunted Journey Through The Lost American West.
“Some things lost on the borders of dusk were never meant to be found.”
Documents spanning centuries relate the story of a forgotten valley brimming with magic, ghosts and evil. Published here for the first time these newly discovered papers grant a rare glimpse of the awful truth about this very real American Nightmare.
From the era of wayward conquistadors and pioneers of indomitable spirit on to the weird wild west of gunfighters, gamblers, and medicine men these authentic accounts stalk through the forbidden desert leading you to an oasis of eerie horror and occult terror.
Join us on a supernatural treasure hunt—but don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Monday, May 5, 2014
BLESS THE CHILD: This ones for the children

One of the other things that feels so good in life is doing something for someone else. When I first heard about the G.A.N. Warriors I was floored. Here are some young little guys with a horribly rare disease, but they always smile and keep their chins up (good parents) and the whole community we lived in - in Montana and elsewhere, have rallied around them. So many people have donated to their cause and still are, this is an ongoing battle.
I was very tight on cash, tight on time away from home and so much other drama heaped on my shoulders, but I thought about a book that wasn't quite ready for anywhere else yet, a book that needed some polish and perhaps had just the right title to be a good donation toward their cause.
Back to the ranch - this seemed like the right time and the right book to donate 100% of the proceeds toward Hannah's Hope Fund, the official arm of the G.A.N. Warriors and the handful of kids like them. GAN is an incredibly rare disease and these kids need all the help they can get.
So I am very pleased to release my sword and sandals historical epic: Bless The Child on their behalf. The kindle edition is available right now and I will have the print version up shortly as well.
The back cover description:
Impelled by a quest for redemption, the man known only as The Spartan finds unholy work in The Holy Land. And work is good, there is no end of service amongst kings and robber barons for a man who sells his sword so well. But blood won’t wash away blood and The Spartan finds himself compelled toward something greater than himself.
Bless The Child is a romance of redemption and glory. Numerous historical personages cross paths with The Spartan, including Solon, Nebuchadnezzar, the prophets Lehi, Jeremiah and Daniel, King Zedekiah and the poetess Sappho.
Come back to 586 B.C. when Jerusalem burned and the life of a prince rested in the hands of the exiled Spartan. Can a mercenary trained only for war become an instrument of peace?
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Friday, March 28, 2014
Read Somewhat Lately
King of Thorns, by Mark Lawrence
The second in a marvelous grim dark fantasy trilogy, this really had me turning pages and I only took so long finishing because of how topsy turvy life has been the last few months.
Set in a almost familiar realm, we follow Jorg (now a king by his own hand) as he is beset by two seemingly insurmountable foes in two timelines. We know that he makes it out of one to be telling us about the current predicament but nonetheless we are transfixed with all the brilliant setbacks ferocious young Jorg is dealing with.
I read Prince of Thorns last summer and was very pleased at his setting (which I can't reveal-but needless to say it is gratifying and intriguing).
Things come to a spine-tingling head and I wondered how it would end, alas its all set up for the third book Emperor of Thorns - but at least that is already available. Very recommended for dark fantasy fans.

Space Punisher, by Frank Tieri and Mark Texeira
This came out a couple years ago and I meant to read it back when I was writing Gods in Darkness for Space Eldritch 1 - I was envisioning in my head some of the same brawling action in space.
Space Punisher is a little over the top (its an alternate universe rather than a space mission for Frank Castle) but its got a lot of great one liners and cameo's of Marvel favorites. I especially liked that the Punisher is handling the big bad space mafia better than the Avengers.
I enjoyed the twists and found it interesting but not quite the book I hoped for. Mark Texeira's art is always great and I am excited for Frank Tieri's return to writing Wolverine very soon - he was my favorite writer for that series next to Larry Hama's run in the 90's.
Inside is also Galactus: The Real Story = the greatest hoax ever pulled on mankind, a parody of all the conspiracy shows revealing the real story about perceived threats - I enjoyed it more the second read through.
Some Freaks, by David Mamet
A selection of essays and thoughts by brilliant playwright David Mamet. I always enjoy his insights into drama and human nature, he displays a rare quality of looking at whole subjects and having the wit to put into words some dynamic metaphor to bring it all together in a way I never thought of before.
I enjoyed one section so much that I had to bring in a new chapter into my shortly forthcoming Bless The Child in part based on his little essay The Laurel Crown, simply because I was so moved and had to share a little bit of that same essence.
Red Sonja: Beserker, by Nancy A. Collins and Fritz Casas
I have not bought a Red Sonja book in a very long time, but have been hearing good things about the current run by Gail Simone so I've meant to check it out and I also heard about this one shot Beserker, so having finished this one first (one shots are just easier that way) I'm kinda on the fence about it.
Sonja befriends a polar bear cub (that grows up way too fast in one winter) and then says goodbye.
Years later Sonja is accosted by some dinks that think she is a whore-that chainmail bikini-and what I have hated as an over used premise in too many Conan tales, she is far too easily bested by the local authorities and put in jail. Then thanks to a crooked judge she ends up in an arena for savage amusement. She is to be fed not to the lions but the bear - but its her old bear so they turn and fight their way out. The bear dies to save her and later she returns to enact vengeance.
The art by Casas is great and the look of Sonja wearing the bearskin in the end is cool -very Herculian/Nemeian Lion, but its just a so-so story. Not bad, but not great.
City of the Saints: Part One Liahona, by D.J. Butler
Steampunk old west with a very healthy mix of political intrigue and great twists on historic personages. This is only part one of four and I love it. Again if life wasn't so crazy busy right now I would be all the way through this series-absolutely my favorite read so far this year!
Set in 1859 on the verge of Civil War, multiple characters are converging for the sake of getting in on that Mormon madman Orson Pratt's wonderful inventions. Mark Twain, Richard Burton, and the long thought dead Edgar Allen Poe each vying for either the Union, England and the soon to be Confederacy as well as mysterious forces at work from within the Utah Mormon camp as well - Porter Rockwell and Eliza R. Snow.
All the side characters have me enthralled as well, Butler's writing is the perfect mix of action and drama and has that great way of making you root for all these people that are opposing each other.
The only downside for me was the cliffhanger ending, luckily all 4 of the City of Saints are available ad I'll be continuing on that very soon. If you like historical action and steampunk, I can't recommend this enough.
The second in a marvelous grim dark fantasy trilogy, this really had me turning pages and I only took so long finishing because of how topsy turvy life has been the last few months.
Set in a almost familiar realm, we follow Jorg (now a king by his own hand) as he is beset by two seemingly insurmountable foes in two timelines. We know that he makes it out of one to be telling us about the current predicament but nonetheless we are transfixed with all the brilliant setbacks ferocious young Jorg is dealing with.
I read Prince of Thorns last summer and was very pleased at his setting (which I can't reveal-but needless to say it is gratifying and intriguing).
Things come to a spine-tingling head and I wondered how it would end, alas its all set up for the third book Emperor of Thorns - but at least that is already available. Very recommended for dark fantasy fans.

Space Punisher, by Frank Tieri and Mark Texeira
This came out a couple years ago and I meant to read it back when I was writing Gods in Darkness for Space Eldritch 1 - I was envisioning in my head some of the same brawling action in space.
Space Punisher is a little over the top (its an alternate universe rather than a space mission for Frank Castle) but its got a lot of great one liners and cameo's of Marvel favorites. I especially liked that the Punisher is handling the big bad space mafia better than the Avengers.
I enjoyed the twists and found it interesting but not quite the book I hoped for. Mark Texeira's art is always great and I am excited for Frank Tieri's return to writing Wolverine very soon - he was my favorite writer for that series next to Larry Hama's run in the 90's.
Inside is also Galactus: The Real Story = the greatest hoax ever pulled on mankind, a parody of all the conspiracy shows revealing the real story about perceived threats - I enjoyed it more the second read through.
Some Freaks, by David Mamet

I enjoyed one section so much that I had to bring in a new chapter into my shortly forthcoming Bless The Child in part based on his little essay The Laurel Crown, simply because I was so moved and had to share a little bit of that same essence.
Red Sonja: Beserker, by Nancy A. Collins and Fritz Casas
I have not bought a Red Sonja book in a very long time, but have been hearing good things about the current run by Gail Simone so I've meant to check it out and I also heard about this one shot Beserker, so having finished this one first (one shots are just easier that way) I'm kinda on the fence about it.
Sonja befriends a polar bear cub (that grows up way too fast in one winter) and then says goodbye.

The art by Casas is great and the look of Sonja wearing the bearskin in the end is cool -very Herculian/Nemeian Lion, but its just a so-so story. Not bad, but not great.
City of the Saints: Part One Liahona, by D.J. Butler

Set in 1859 on the verge of Civil War, multiple characters are converging for the sake of getting in on that Mormon madman Orson Pratt's wonderful inventions. Mark Twain, Richard Burton, and the long thought dead Edgar Allen Poe each vying for either the Union, England and the soon to be Confederacy as well as mysterious forces at work from within the Utah Mormon camp as well - Porter Rockwell and Eliza R. Snow.
All the side characters have me enthralled as well, Butler's writing is the perfect mix of action and drama and has that great way of making you root for all these people that are opposing each other.
The only downside for me was the cliffhanger ending, luckily all 4 of the City of Saints are available ad I'll be continuing on that very soon. If you like historical action and steampunk, I can't recommend this enough.
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Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Interview is up on Youtube
We talk about a little bit of everything ~ Lovecraft Mythos, Robert E. Howard, writing, the Elder Sign, Inspiration, Mormonism, Romney,bath salts, and I plug a number of anthos I'm in (or will be in) especially the upcoming Space Eldritch but also IN SITU, Monsters & Mormons, Monk Punk, Unnatural Tales of the Jackalope, etc etc
I enter at about 24 minutes in.
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Sunday, July 15, 2012
If I didn't offend someone with my writing I'm probably not doing it right
I was savaged by a recent amazon review, well not so much savaged as amused. My initial thoughts on reading the rather brief bit of negativity were 'really?'
"1.0 out of 5 stars Hated it, boring, disgusting, July 12, 2012
By mrs.cowboy - See all my reviews
Thought this book would at least be similar to historical fiction. In my opinion, it's far from historical and more into fiction using some of the Book of Mormon names as characters in the book. Blood thirsty kings and references to a homosexual warrior were too much for me. Will be deleting it from my Kindle."
At least she bought the book once. A quick once over on her other reviews was enough to confirm my guess and begs the question on why she even picked up Heroes of the Fallen. I suppose we all branch out sometimes but even a cursory glance should have told her this was nothing like the other cozy mysteries she reads.
Part of my amusement comes from knowing that the reviewer didn't 'get' the book but needed to share her indignation. That she hated a boring and disgusting book makes me think I at least accomplished some amount of memorability.
But did she really think there weren't bloodthirsty kings back then? And that there couldn't possibly be a homosexual in those wicked and wild ancient times? Let's not even get into the discrepancy that Rezon is a caravan master and not even close to being a warrior!
In any case if I didn't offend someone with my writing I'm probably not doing it right because I'm not moving people enough-this review tells me I'm at the least moving a little something something (granted its nicer when you move people in a positive light as well ~ see the other reviews).
But as James Enge recently wrote about negative reviews, they can be quite a service. I had wondered if all the 4 and 5 star reviews looked too biased in my favor-yes, several were from friends and family but several were from complete strangers (that always makes you feel good) So I'm asking dear readers, go ahead and give me a few stellar 3 stars and gushing 2 stars just to round things out and clear the palette.
***Addendum (July 18th, 2012)
It's also good to know (since I just checked Amazon) I am still selling copies after this review~take that mrs. cowboy
Monday, November 7, 2011
St. Rockwell and the Dragon
This is the illustration of Porter Rockwell by Davin Abegg for my weird western novella "Fangs of the Dragon" in Monsters & Mormons.
Here is a snippet~
A mountain of a man stepped forward, creating a hush among the tribe. Thick and strong, he looked down on Porter scrutinizing him. “You are Mormonee?” he asked, bringing his bare chest to Port’s nose.
Amanda said, “This is Big Bear.”
“Yeah, I’m Mormonee,” answered Port. “He is probably the second biggest Indian I’ve ever seen.”
“Do you wear the sacred robes?” asked the grinning giant.
“Yes.”
“Show me.”
Port opened his shirt revealing the garments. “Satisfied?”
“The woman is Mormonee too?”
“Yes.”
“She will show me?” He smirked.
Port shoved Big Bear, “That’s enough. Can we talk or not, Many-Buffalo? Or do I have to teach some manners to your boy?”
Amanda shook her head.
Big Bear knocked Port’s hat off.
“Tell him! I’m here to take care of things and if they don’t help me, I can’t help them!” shouted Port. “But I’m not here to play games.”
Many-Buffalo stood impassive, then nodded to Big Bear.
The giant lunged, grasping Port in a bear hug, trapping his arms and lifting him off the ground. The gathering laughed as Many-Buffalo shouted in triumph.
Struggling to breath, let alone move, Port asked, “What’d he say?”
“He said, if you are the best the Brigham can offer, he doesn’t need help,” cried Amanda over the din.
Big Bear’s laughter boomed into Port’s face.
“Wheat! They ain’t seen nothing yet.”
Big Bear’s hug cracked Port’s back and grew tighter, forcing air from his lungs and still the big man laughed.
Looking Big Bear square in the eye, Port winked and then slammed his thick forehead into Big Bear’s nose repeatedly. The huge man, blinded and bloodied, dropped Port, who landed on his feet. Porter slammed Big Bear an uppercut to the chin, dropping the man-mountain. Rounding on Many-Buffalo, Port snarled, “Was he the best you got?”
Amanda translated.
Many-Buffalo frowned, but motioned for Port and Amanda to follow.
Amanda picked up Port’s hat, then handed it to him saying, “You know, might doesn’t always make right.”
“Didn’t I just prove that?”
Here is a snippet~
A mountain of a man stepped forward, creating a hush among the tribe. Thick and strong, he looked down on Porter scrutinizing him. “You are Mormonee?” he asked, bringing his bare chest to Port’s nose.
Amanda said, “This is Big Bear.”
“Yeah, I’m Mormonee,” answered Port. “He is probably the second biggest Indian I’ve ever seen.”
“Do you wear the sacred robes?” asked the grinning giant.
“Yes.”
“Show me.”
Port opened his shirt revealing the garments. “Satisfied?”
“The woman is Mormonee too?”
“Yes.”
“She will show me?” He smirked.
Port shoved Big Bear, “That’s enough. Can we talk or not, Many-Buffalo? Or do I have to teach some manners to your boy?”
Amanda shook her head.
Big Bear knocked Port’s hat off.
“Tell him! I’m here to take care of things and if they don’t help me, I can’t help them!” shouted Port. “But I’m not here to play games.”
Many-Buffalo stood impassive, then nodded to Big Bear.
The giant lunged, grasping Port in a bear hug, trapping his arms and lifting him off the ground. The gathering laughed as Many-Buffalo shouted in triumph.
Struggling to breath, let alone move, Port asked, “What’d he say?”
“He said, if you are the best the Brigham can offer, he doesn’t need help,” cried Amanda over the din.
Big Bear’s laughter boomed into Port’s face.
“Wheat! They ain’t seen nothing yet.”
Big Bear’s hug cracked Port’s back and grew tighter, forcing air from his lungs and still the big man laughed.
Looking Big Bear square in the eye, Port winked and then slammed his thick forehead into Big Bear’s nose repeatedly. The huge man, blinded and bloodied, dropped Port, who landed on his feet. Porter slammed Big Bear an uppercut to the chin, dropping the man-mountain. Rounding on Many-Buffalo, Port snarled, “Was he the best you got?”
Amanda translated.
Many-Buffalo frowned, but motioned for Port and Amanda to follow.
Amanda picked up Port’s hat, then handed it to him saying, “You know, might doesn’t always make right.”
“Didn’t I just prove that?”
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The Most Interesting Mormon in the World
I had been considering doing this-someone beat me to it-but its pretty good-though I'm not sure yet if only Mormon's will get the jokes.
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